Leadership carries an immense weight—the responsibility of decision-making, the pressure to navigate uncertainty, and the challenge of upholding values while driving outcomes. It’s no surprise that, under this pressure, leaders can unintentionally dissociate from their power—emotionally disconnecting from the responsibility they hold.
In psychology, dissociation is a protective response to stress, a way of distancing from what feels overwhelming. And leadership brings a lot of feelings.
Some leaders dissociate from power out of fear—of making the wrong decision, of being held accountable, of holding authority over others. Others reject power entirely, distancing themselves from the very role they occupy: “I don’t want to be that kind of leader.”
But when leaders dissociate from power, it creates confusion—for themselves and their teams. Employees expect leaders to provide direction: Where are we headed? What’s the standard? What’s my role in it?
Leadership, at its core, is a structure. And when leaders step back, avoiding power rather than shaping it, their teams feel destabilized.
The Power We Are Socialized to Reject
We’ve been conditioned to see power as something to wield over others—about control, dominance, and separation. Under this definition, rejecting power can feel like holding on to our humanity. But that binary is misleading.
Dissociating from power doesn’t make you a better leader—it makes you a disconnected one. Employees still look to leaders for guidance and direction. Dissociation keeps you disengaged, reluctant to set clear expectations or challenge your team to grow. Your decisions directly and indirectly shape the culture. Avoiding power doesn’t erase it.
When leaders reject their power, the responsibility of leading can become a misery. The belief may become, “Work is just a misery.” Unintentionally, the default relationship between leaders and employees becomes shared misery—where frustration and exhaustion become the unspoken bonds of the team.
What if leadership didn’t have to be miserable?
Holding Power Responsibly
When leaders dissociate from power, they fixate on what they don’t want to be—always in opposition, not in action. But responsible leadership isn’t about rejecting power; it’s about defining how you want to hold it.
Power is not just yours—it’s shared. Holding power responsibly means:
- Staying connected to your values, your identity, and your humanity.
- Recognizing and respecting the agency of your employees.
- Shifting from a culture of blame to a culture of accountability.
Responsible power sets high expectations—not as a means of control, but as an investment in people’s agency, ability and development.
To hold your power responsibly also requires building a relationship with yourself. What do we mean by this?
- Awareness of your feelings about power and the frustrations of leadership
- Understanding what inputs are driving your decisions
- Examining your beliefs about “the right way to lead”
- Identifying the core values that drive your leadership
- Clarity around your needs and the support you need from the team
Leadership That’s Possible
Leveraging your power means moving toward the kind of leader you want to be—not just avoiding the one you don’t. It’s about embracing leadership as a responsibility to yourself, your team, and your values—not as control, but as connection.
Power held responsibly fosters trust, accountability, and shared growth. It takes courage to stay engaged, to define leadership on your own terms, and to build systems that support both people and purpose.
You don’t have to do it alone. Leadership is not about certainty or perfection, but about staying present, thoughtful, and open to the relationships that shape your organization. When power is grounded in care and integrity, it doesn’t separate us—it strengthens us.
The work of leadership is human work. We can support you to move toward it with courage, care, compassion and connection.