Leadership often feels like a balancing act—making decisions that support the team, aligning with organizational goals, and staying true to personal values. But this complexity is often lost in how others perceive leaders. Because of our socialization, employees may see leaders as less than fully human, reducing them to representations of the company.
This creates a contradiction. An employee might feel, “I like you as a person and we generally get along, but I cannot trust that you will make decisions for my benefit because you are an extension of the company.”
In this binary thinking, power becomes a substitute for connection. The leader is placed on one side of the power dynamic, while the employee exists on the other. It’s an oversimplified view of the relationship, yet it’s one we all navigate in some way.
The Challenge of Holding Power Responsibly
As leaders, we carry this dynamic whether we want to or not. Employees project their experiences with authority, hierarchy, and institutions onto us. Even the most relational and human-centered leaders can find themselves boxed into the role of “the company” in the eyes of their team.
The temptation for leaders is to either hold all the responsibility—shouldering the weight of decision-making to protect the team—or to assert power in ways that close the door to meaningful connection. Neither option serves the leader, the team, or the organization.
But what if there’s another way? What if we resisted the binary and chose to lead from the gray?
Embracing Nuance: Sharing the Responsibility
Embracing nuance means resisting the false choice between being a benevolent protector or a detached authority figure. Instead, it asks leaders to share responsibility. This is not about relinquishing power but about using it to foster connection and collaboration.
To do this, leaders must first acknowledge the projections placed upon them. We cannot control how others perceive us, but we can invite others into the complexity of leadership. By being transparent about the constraints, trade-offs, and intentions behind decisions, leaders model what it looks like to hold power responsibly. Employees have a responsibility to be open to seeing the complexity and choose to accept the invitation.
Power doesn’t have to substitute for connection.
When leaders embrace the gray, they open space for employees to bring their full humanity into the relationship. They invite their team to move beyond projection and into participation, sharing responsibility for the work, the outcomes, and the culture they’re building together.
The Practice of Leading in the Gray
Leadership in the gray requires intentionality. It’s a practice of choosing nuance over certainty, dialogue and curiosity over assumptions, and shared ownership over unilateral control. Here are a few ways leaders can start:
Acknowledge the Contradiction
Be honest about the tension between your role and your humanity. Acknowledge the inherent challenges of power dynamics and invite your team to reflect on them with you.
Be Transparent About Decisions
Share the “why” behind your choices. Explain the constraints you’re navigating, the values guiding your decisions, and the impact you hope to achieve. You may not always be able to be transparent, but sharing the context you can will build trust.
Foster Connection Through Vulnerability
Leaders don’t have to have all the answers. Admitting uncertainty or inviting collaboration on complex challenges shows your team that leadership is a shared journey, not a solitary role.
Encourage Shared Responsibility
Ask your team to name their needs, bring their perspectives, and contribute to the solutions. Holding power responsibly means empowering others to take ownership where they can, rather than shouldering everything alone.
Leading with Integrity in a Complex World
When we resist binary thinking, we create space for complex, honest relationships. Instead of existing as either “the leader who has all the answers” or “the arm of the company,” we become fully human in the eyes of our team. And in doing so, we allow them to do the same.
Power used responsibly can be a source of connection. It can bring people together, creating relationships built on trust, transparency, and shared ownership. Leadership in the gray isn’t easy, but it’s where the most meaningful growth happens—for leaders, for teams, and for organizations.
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