This is the second in a series of blog posts highlighting the importance of building our own values-aligned systems, especially when the systems we live and work within do not prioritize or support our humanity.
“How you do the thing matters just as much as the thing you do.”
Erica Williams Simon
In our last blog, we explored the reality that how we work together—the systems we build—matters just as much as what we do. We noted how much this blog post resonated, and we wanted to build upon the ideas we shared, especially as it relates to the tension or dissonance we feel when our personal values aren’t reflected at work.
But we know from experience: when tension arises at work, most of us default to seeing it as purely interpersonal. It’s easy to think the discomfort is about personalities or preferences—a clash between individuals rather than a signal from the system itself.
We want to challenge that.
The Tension Might Be Telling You More
At Leverage to Lead, we’re constantly asking: Is the tension I’m feeling really interpersonal? Or is it revealing a gap—a system that’s missing or not working well enough to support everyone?
We’ve been grounding this question in Bobbi Harro’s Cycle of Liberation, which helps us see meaningful change across three dimensions:
- Intrapersonal: The beliefs we hold about ourselves
- Interpersonal: How we relate to others
- Systemic: The structures, policies, and cultural norms we operate within
When leaders, teams, or organizations experience tension, it often shows up in all three places. And unless we address each layer, real change stays out of reach.
A Real Example: Systems That Hold Relationships
Let’s make this tangible.
A few years ago, MJ requested time off for professional development—a clear, values-aligned ask. But for Jennifer, it brought up frustration and tension.
This wasn’t just about two people with different feelings. And it’s not that there wasn’t a system – we have an unlimited PTO policy. It was about the absence of the interpersonal layer within the system – what structures and skills did we need to be able to have the conversations about our needs, priorities and boundaries in relation to this policy?
Jennifer realized: Am I having a feeling, or do we need a system?
The answer was both.
- Intrapersonal: She had to unpack the stories and expectations fueling her reaction and MJ had to risk the vulnerability of coming back to the conversation
- Interpersonal: MJ and Jennifer had to engage in honest dialogue about needs and boundaries – the needs of the business as well as the needs of employees
- Systemic: We needed more than a policy, we needed a clear and transparent structure for time off that supported both professional development and organizational needs
This is where our lowercase s systems come in—the policies, practices, and agreements that help us lean into tension, rather than avoid or personalize it.
The Difference Systems Make
We recently partnered with a mission-driven organization navigating this exact dynamic. Their employees were deeply aligned with the work and eager to contribute. But without clear expectations, transparent decision-making, and defined roles, participation started to feel compulsory.
The result? Burnout, disappointment, and interpersonal tension—even among people who liked and respected each other.
Together, we helped them design:
✔️ Transparent organizational charts and role clarity
✔️ Clear decision-making protocols
✔️ Systems for public statements and actions
✔️ Structured spaces for honest conversation and reflection
The outcome wasn’t just better policies—it was restored trust, alignment, and room for people to engage meaningfully without the tension becoming personal.
Where Intra-, Inter-, and Systems Meet
Meaningful change happens when we bring these layers together:
- Intrapersonal reflection: What am I feeling, and why?
- Interpersonal connection: What does this relationship need?
- Systemic design: What structure would support us all?
This is the foundation of our Partnership Blueprint and Human-Centered Practices—approaches that help organizations move beyond reactive problem-solving into intentional, sustainable culture building.
Because the goal isn’t to eliminate tension. It’s to build systems that hold it, so difference becomes a source of growth, not burnout.
Ready to build systems that support your people and your mission?